I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
I'm always down for nudity.
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
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