i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
what the fuck happened to the tacos
Randomize
