i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
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