My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
