do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
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