Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
be right there i have to get my cape
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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