We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Randomize