He is such a slut. More and more my type.
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
Randomize
