When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
I could fuck to npr.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
