just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
Randomize
