Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
