Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
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