I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
