Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
Randomize
