Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
