I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
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