I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
