WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
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