The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
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Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
Randomize
