the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
This can only be settled by a dance off.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
