i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
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