I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
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