I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
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