My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
Randomize
