all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
