Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
Randomize
