I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
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