She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
