she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
They have beer where we have blood.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
Randomize
