Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
