Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
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