I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
