At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
Tornado booty call.. dedication
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
