I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
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