It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
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