Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
Randomize
