pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Randomize
