It's like God shit irony all over that family
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
where are my pants?
in the oven.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize
