Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
Randomize
