The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
