thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
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