He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
I just had sex on a roof
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Randomize