what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
