That's intense
White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
