Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
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