I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
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