We should be called the Road Head Warriors
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
Randomize
