he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
