Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
