I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
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