Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
Whoa Z and x make the same sound
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
Randomize
