Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Randomize
