He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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