She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
Randomize
