You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
