Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Randomize
