i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
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