I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
Semen is not good for contacts.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
I think pants incapable of making pants work
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
Randomize
