New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
