I will die if light touches me.
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Randomize
