You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize