...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
Randomize
