He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
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