I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Randomize
