Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
I will pee on everything he values.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Randomize
