I faked an abortion last night.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
