I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
