how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
Randomize
