I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
Randomize
