I saw his package. It spoke to me.
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Randomize
