Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
Randomize
