It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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