My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
