I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Randomize
