so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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