New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
Randomize
