And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Randomize
