I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
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