This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
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