I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
My bed is full of blood and feathers
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
