I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Randomize
