I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
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