hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
Randomize
