omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
I said "one day" and that day is not today
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
