I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
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