did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
