I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
I can text with my tongue
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
