it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
