We're facebook friends in real life
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
Randomize
