she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
They took my balls.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
Randomize