please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
