"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
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