R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
