I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
