i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Randomize
