we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
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