What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
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