her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
Randomize
