mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
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