If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
