Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
