i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
I have tasted many bathrooms
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
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