I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
Randomize
