Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
Randomize