this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
You can't motorboat a personality
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
Randomize
