My room smells like vodka and shame
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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