When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
Randomize
