i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
I was not drunk enough for that final.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Randomize
