This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
Should I hook up with a slut its your call
Yes. Wrap it. If you dont have a condom do it anyway. YOU ONLY LIVE ONCE.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
Randomize
