he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
Randomize
