You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
He has the fingertips of a God
Randomize