And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
Randomize
