You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Randomize
