he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
Best friends brother. Beat that.
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
Randomize
