Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
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