She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Randomize
